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Thinking about my identity vol.3

2 days later, my passport was reissued and I came back to Amsterdam. I also got new credit cards. I was getting back my social identity. However, there were no signs of coming back my stolen baggage. I stopped by the police station many time. "Can I return to New York? Is my air ticket reissued?" The anxieties came up one after another. And all these bad anticipations came true. When I went to the service counter of Pakistan Airline and described the situation, their answer was something like this. "We can not reissued the ticket. Buy new ticket again" Of course, I could not accepted it. So I did my best to explain it. But they never understood me. The argument ended up almost curse. Then we broke up.

I became desperate. I smoked at coffee shop and drank at bar. "Damn it! It must be the same to the other ticket for NY - Tokyo. Perhaps I can not reenter the US without return ticket to Japan." I thought of my room in New York, the house in Staten Island which I shared with 3 room mates. "My room is locked. Closed room is burned by strong summer sun light and covered with dust quietly. Oh, God"I took sigh and inhaled smoke deeply.

Few days later, I decided to ask Delta Airlines, which was the carrier for NY-Tokyo, about reissuing the ticket. Even if the ticket would be reissued, I had to buy the ticket from Amsterdam to New York. But it's much better than newly buy all tickets. I got into the office praying God. I told everything to a counter person and asked him if the reissuing was possible.
However, the answer was the one which I had not expected at all. "Excuse me. Are you Mr.Osada? One minute. I suppose we have a telephone message for you.""Let's see ... Yeah, This is it. Your lost baggage was found, Mr. Osada."I thought it's my mishearing. "Excuse me. What did you say?" "We got phone call from police this morning. They said your shoulder bag was found. They called us because the air ticket was in it. Your passport was also still in the bag. Ask the lost and found center of the police for more information. I'm gonna put down the address" Oh! This kind of thing could be happen. God didn't leave me alone. "Thanks so much"I jumped out the office with the paper strip which the address was written.

The lost and found center was out side of the city. I told the story at the counter. Shortly after, the officer was coming back with familiar bag. He said it's left at the bus stop in suburban area. "I guess the group who stole the bag at Amstel Station took a bus. Then they took just valuable things and threw out rest of it." I checked contents immediately. The only things I found in the bag were passport and tickets. Cash, credit card, camera, they had all gone.
During 2 weeks in Holland, I couldn't take photo at all. It's the 2 weeks which just exhausted my nerves. "Any way, I can go back to New York. It's enough to me. I never expect more than that. I wanna finish this travel as soon as possible. I wanna go back to home. I wanna see my friends."

In the summer, my room door was opened once again. And I got back daily life in New York. However, something was changed deep inside of me. It's because I had the thought like this. It's the question "What is my identity?" When I lost my properties, passport, card, even camera ...., I lost proof of my existence completely. I clearly remember the feeling of anxiety that I became nobody in this world. But at same time, what was the feeling of freedom when I lost my all ID?
Think about it. "Identification card"What a humiliating name it is! I don't need such a cheap proof. Which I want is more essential thing, the real identity. Shape of twisted tooth paste, the way of wearing away my shoe heel, shape of used hand soap ... even in trivial things, and as like feeling impatience, I looked for my identity.

Jun. 2006

Today's piece
"Left foot" New York, New York, USA 1995

fumikatz osada photographie